How to keep the flame burning: Tips For New Couples
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Love, they say, is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener! Many new couples opened the relationship chapter by online matchmaker services or through mutual friends and suddenly discovered that it wasn’t as exciting as anticipated. The disappointment has shattered many, and so many marriages never recovered once the relationship went south.
A lot of things change after couples get married. People can do anything to make their partners happy when dating or courting. Sacrificing is fun, giving is a privilege, and forgiving is natural. Climbing seven hills and swimming through fourteen rivers is not a big deal. There’s every reason to impress your partner when you’re yet to go to the altar. But a trip down the aisle changes everything for many couples.
This is obvious from the statistics. In America, there are up to 750,000 divorces each year, accounting for one of the highest rates in the world. Moreover, further studies show that more than one in five marriages hit the rocks within the first five years, and up to a third of marriages pack up before their tenth anniversary! The only silver lining is that people who survive the first decade are less likely to divorce later, as only about one in five marriages crash afterward.
Many couples believed their marriages crashed only because they chose the wrong partners. Well, that may be true. But research begs to differ. Divorce statistics show that, while close to 40% of first-time marriages end up in divorce (new couples, buckle up!), it is worse for people who try out marriage for a second time. The divorce rate is even higher as up to 60% of second marriages eventually hit the rocks. Of course, it’s a downward spiral from there. Those who still look for love after two failed attempts are even at a higher risk of failure, as 73% of third marriages are known to crash.
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This grim reading suggests that no matter how happy a bride is on her wedding day (many regard it as the happiest day of their lives), there’s a high probability that the spark may die sooner than later. Unfortunately, many of the flame killers can be avoided. But being love-drunk, many new couples don’t pay attention to them until it is too late. We hope new couples can keep the love going for as long as possible.
This article has outlined time-tested truths that will work for all couples, especially new ones who wish to be the odd one out.
- Expect changes
“Imagine my shock! My partner had changed so much from when we were courting!”
Honestly, you should be surprised if your spouse remains the same after marriage. That’s because unions bring out so many changes in each person. If you have children early, you may be disturbed to find your wife showing so much love to your kids while reserving none for you. You used to be all that mattered to your partner, but it now seems you have to compete for attention. Yes, it could be frustrating, but it’s a phase you should expect. The changes may be sharp and could be a difficult pill to swallow, but young couples should expect them. The key is knowing how to adjust appropriately. If you don’t, your relationship may not recover from this phase.
- Learn your partner’s love language
One of the reasons why remarriages fail more than fresh ones is that many partners use a one-size-fits-all approach. Every individual is unique, and what worked in a previous marriage may not do this time. You should learn the love language of your spouse and speak it. There are five love languages which are:
- words of affirmation
- spending quality time
- receiving gifts
- acts of service
- physical touch
Your spouse’s love language is that thing that quickly melts their heart and calms them down even when mad. Use it wisely!
- You’ll have to TALK about sex!
Sex for people courting could be many things, but it’s emotional. Sex with couples could be a chore! Unfortunately, so many things may alter the sex life of couples. New couples would need to sit down and talk about sex once in a while. Once your sex life is altered, your marriage is heading for the rock. Unfortunately, sex is beyond a mere activity. It is the deepest level of communication between couples, and discussing what would make it enjoyable for both partners should be had frequently.
- Develop a joint activity
Nothing helps a couple better than pursuing a joint goal. This may not happen naturally, so you may have to develop an activity where both of you are actively involved. It must also be something you are both passionate about and should involve measurable goals.
- Your phone will hurt your marriage (Getaways!)
Your relationship would need periods of getaways. One thing you should do without at such a point would be your phone! Even when not on dates, many people blame the phone for the loss of attention of their spouses. Many partners also find solace in the virtual world and spend hours and hours developing their online relationships at the expense of their real ones. Limit how much time you spend on social media when you are married, and leave your phone behind when you go on memorable weekend getaways!
- Never lose the element of Surprise.
Surprise your spouse with a gift. Not just on your anniversary. Call them at unexpected hours. Check on them once in a while. Appreciate your spouse for little things and go out of your way to make them happy. Sometimes, it’s not in how much money you spend, but in how much it catches your spouse by surprise!
Conclusion
For new couples, it is the beginning of an exciting journey. However, it will require lots of hard work, sacrifices, and commitment. Hopefully, this article has provided many tips to guide new couples in keeping the fire burning.
